Comments on: Esmerelda freezes up dealing with separation & divorce http://www.lifeisaforkintheroad.com/esmerelda-freezes-up-dealing-with-divorce/ a book in the making by Don Shapiro Thu, 02 Sep 2010 05:14:16 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Don Shapiro http://www.lifeisaforkintheroad.com/esmerelda-freezes-up-dealing-with-divorce/comment-page-1/#comment-116 Don Shapiro Sat, 26 Dec 2009 17:49:43 +0000 http://www.lifeisaforkintheroad.com/?p=565#comment-116 Hi June, Thanks for sharing your very personal and difficult journey (so far!)From where you currently sit, you have sacrificed a lot to gain two wonderful boys. My heart goes out to you. I have received many stories about similar situations. Nothing happens by chance. There is a reason why you have been chosen to take this fork in the road. It can be hard to be in the middle of a journey where you don't know what lies ahead. When we follow our heart, we can suffer for a while, sometimes for years. I can feel good things in store for you and your boys in the future. Keep your heart open, trust yourself and listen to the voice from deep within. There is a better tomorrow on the way that will make all your difficulties worthwhile. Please stay tuned and let me know what happens. Remember, life is a journey, not a destination. Hi June,

Thanks for sharing your very personal and difficult journey (so far!)From where you currently sit, you have sacrificed a lot to gain two wonderful boys. My heart goes out to you. I have received many stories about similar situations.

Nothing happens by chance. There is a reason why you have been chosen to take this fork in the road. It can be hard to be in the middle of a journey where you don’t know what lies ahead.

When we follow our heart, we can suffer for a while, sometimes for years. I can feel good things in store for you and your boys in the future. Keep your heart open, trust yourself and listen to the voice from deep within. There is a better tomorrow on the way that will make all your difficulties worthwhile.

Please stay tuned and let me know what happens. Remember, life is a journey, not a destination.

]]> By: June Schlueter http://www.lifeisaforkintheroad.com/esmerelda-freezes-up-dealing-with-divorce/comment-page-1/#comment-115 June Schlueter Sat, 26 Dec 2009 15:58:45 +0000 http://www.lifeisaforkintheroad.com/?p=565#comment-115 I feel like there have been many "forks in the road", but maybe the one that changed my life forever was this one. My husband and I had just returned to work from the funeral from his grandfather's passing and we were, as to be expected, sad. The other part to this story is that we had wanted children and after it wasn't happening for us, we went to a fertility specialist. There were a myriad of tests. The end result, was that we were on the track of taking the appropriate medications each month. We had been through hell with all of it. We finally applied for adoption and were told it would be three years. Back to being at work after the funeral. My husband called to tell me that our baby boy was ready for us to pick up. And we would be picking him up on Christmas Eve! We had done nothing to get ready, since we were at 2 years, not the 3 years they had told us. But his parents were able to run around with my husband to get supplies, and friends donated clothes. At work, I was stunned. I had to spring this on my boss. I had not mentioned one word about our situation as of yet and now he would be shocked and surprised. He came around and was understanding that I couldn't have told him ahead when I didn't know when the baby would come. That was one aspect that changed my lif -- having my son handed to me on Christmas Eve. But, the other part, that really changed my life forever was what the adoption did to my career. I really still wanted to work too -- actually needed to work. I had a good job. But the agency required that I stay at home with the baby for six months. The agency was very much into bonding with the child. I tried to negotiate with HR, but there was no way they could make an exception for me and I was given only 3 months. So, as my dream of being a mother was coming true, I was losing a part of myself that I didn't realize at the time, which was my identity as an employed woman who was working up the ladder. I had to quit my job. It was so wonderful to have our baby on Christmas like a special gift from heaven. But down the road, we had to make choices about our finances and my husband decided we should move to Chicago so that he could find a better paying job to make up for the loss of my income. So that is what we did and we lived there 8 years. My life would never be the same again. I brought income in by being a child care provider, but then we adopted our second son in Chicago, so I didn't work full time in all the years we were there. And today, I am still trying to find my first full-time job after several part-time jobs. I know I would still be at that company I had to leave because of the maternity leave and I would be in a good financial situation. Now, I am divorced, and need the income I could have had, had I not left working at the request of the adoption agency. Moving to Chicago was exciting and interesting and I made lots of good friends that I had to leave when we returned to Cincinnati. I am so grateful for my two boys and I guess I wouldn't change that part for anything. But the adoption did change my world forever when it comes to the bottom line of my person financial situation, even today. I feel like there have been many “forks in the road”, but maybe the one that changed my life forever was this one. My husband and I had just returned to work from the funeral from his grandfather’s passing and we were, as to be expected, sad. The other part to this story is that we had wanted children and after it wasn’t happening for us, we went to a fertility specialist. There were a myriad of tests. The end result, was that we were on the track of taking the appropriate medications each month. We had been through hell with all of it. We finally applied for adoption and were told it would be three years. Back to being at work after the funeral. My husband called to tell me that our baby boy was ready for us to pick up. And we would be picking him up on Christmas Eve! We had done nothing to get ready, since we were at 2 years, not the 3 years they had told us. But his parents were able to run around with my husband to get supplies, and friends donated clothes. At work, I was stunned. I had to spring this on my boss. I had not mentioned one word about our situation as of yet and now he would be shocked and surprised. He came around and was understanding that I couldn’t have told him ahead when I didn’t know when the baby would come.
That was one aspect that changed my lif — having my son handed to me on Christmas Eve. But, the other part, that really changed my life forever was what the adoption did to my career. I really still wanted to work too — actually needed to work. I had a good job. But the agency required that I stay at home with the baby for six months. The agency was very much into bonding with the child. I tried to negotiate with HR, but there was no way they could make an exception for me and I was given only 3 months.

So, as my dream of being a mother was coming true, I was losing a part of myself that I didn’t realize at the time, which was my identity as an employed woman who was working up the ladder. I had to quit my job. It was so wonderful to have our baby on Christmas like a special gift from heaven. But down the road, we had to make choices about our finances and my husband decided we should move to Chicago so that he could find a better paying job to make up for the loss of my income. So that is what we did and we lived there 8 years. My life would never be the same again. I brought income in by being a child care provider, but then we adopted our second son in Chicago, so I didn’t work full time in all the years we were there. And today, I am still trying to find my first full-time job after several part-time jobs. I know I would still be at that company I had to leave because of the maternity leave and I would be in a good financial situation. Now, I am divorced, and need the income I could have had, had I not left working at the request of the adoption agency. Moving to Chicago was exciting and interesting and I made lots of good friends that I had to leave when we returned to Cincinnati. I am so grateful for my two boys and I guess I wouldn’t change that part for anything. But the adoption did change my world forever when it comes to the bottom line of my person financial situation, even today.

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